You, me, suicidal-Forky from Toy Story & millions of people are trying to jump out of the same boat. You are not depressed, our post-modern human civilization is, and they blame you bc you are not happy like others. Modern psychiatry is just a step ahead of the barbarism of the mental institutions of the 19th century. The word hysteria comes from a Victorian word that thought its origins was the uterus. Well, screw that. In an experiment with rats that models our modern chaotic, soul-crunching civilization, the rats in that society also went suicidal. It's not you, it's not me, it's the toxic air we breathe by a world going backward while we try to move forward 1 excruciating step at a time with our children in tow. It's ok to be grey. It's ok to be whatever color you choose moment by moment. It is hard to be genuine in whatever century. Let go of perfect moments and let your daughter see your colors as they are. It's hard, but a forced smile throughout life hurts just as much.
Here's an uplifting video that I watched with my son that helped me not jump back into the trashcan. I hope you can resist the urge, too.