Would Jesus Be a Vegetarian Today?

4 min readJul 30, 2020

If Jesus walked among us today
What would Jesus Order on the menu?

He was a drunk in biblical times
I’ve never seen him without a chalice
Why wouldn’t He Ba vegetarian-2?
He turned alcohol into himself

Here’s Y ..

He sacrificed himself for the Jews
Like a pure lamb at Passover
Then he turned into a fish on Easter
And ate his meat as if it were Holy Bread

Veggies are like Jews, the chosen 1s dining on Golden-Veal
Christians R-like gentile boyz in Ruby Hoodz fondling your calves
Pagans dance naked around the Burning Cow careless of Sides
Shamans could never be Vegans. They c-Babylon & Babel 2-clearly ..


If J is the body of Christ-2
Would He be a cannibal 4-eating his Flesh?
Turning his body into bread for vegetarians?
What a holy trinity of consumption?

That’s Y He is neither This or That,
All in all 1 animal coming for U.S.
Like a thief in the night,
He gets His Prey

Coming for u when U close your shame-filled Is
Can’t we see his pupils glowing in the dark?
He’s like an invisible Ghost Warrior
Eating everything in his War Path

A treasure phagocytosing upon himself
Alone &comfortable in his crowded Cell
Down we go 2the nucleus of Lucifer, Her-hateful-Self
Was Lucifer or God’s BFF angel a man-eater?

Noshing on our souls like sons of Saturn eaten by Goya
Singularity, we are knots or strings down a black hole
Sorry lots picking sides when cave-women knew true thanks
It’s better to eat than be eaten alive by omnivorous veggies

Thankless salts of Mother Earth eating the flesh of Appl
Never knowing who we R, but dying 2-N.O.
Was I meant to ba vegetarian like sheep
Does Fate command me to chase prey throughout evolution?

40 days of spam in the dessert can make a demi-god go viral
For meat, 4flesh, 4the Donner Party Trays
Is that what J had 2endure from his brother & sisters locked in arms?
Forcing J to choose sides? Versus is a zero-sum gain.

Race, who cares? Fake-news? Trumped?
Vegetarian? Hard-core Vegan? Flextarian?
If Ovo-lacto are vegetarian, what about agnostic-Pollotarians?
Certainly the Bible proves he was a Pescetarian

J was a fish-eater, fer sure. The bible tells me to sew it up.
If I were Jesus, I wouldn’t pass up His spare ribs
Especially after coming back from the Dead
Even if the Devil said, “Gnaw on yourself, Bro”

Brother slave, I wouldn’t pass the buck
Just bc I was ashamed of my tears @the taste of an In-N-Out?
How fearsome must b-Jesus 2refuse the Deviled spam
Even if proffered by naked virgin angels

40 Days he endured Caine’s temptation to dine
Would J B-an ovo-lacto-vegetarian if he lived nowadays?
He would be hard-boiled over Easter Eggs in May?
Would he suckle Mother Mary like an Ovo-Lacto-Vegetarian?

Or would he ask us and U.S. to grow up
&Hunt men & women like Him?
His ties to his Body & Church severed by a virus
Began upon his Resurrection
As his disciples bickered with Pride

Cuts like a dull kitchen knife, the Truth
Look @A bleeding tomatoe crucified with toothpicks
That’s Y, I think Jesus would love a rare porter-house on the cross
Drink the sour whine of his body fermenting like Pinot Noir

Before the snip of My chord to the endless reformation
That’s y I think J would salivate over sushi like Pavlov
Do you like yellow ovas and bloody hams?
Yes, Sam, I Am ..

He would love the blood of broccolis-2 &beta-carotene in carrots
He would drink his orange blood like it was the Holy Spirit exsanguinated
He would Lie opened 2sales reps &even bend over 4Trump’s bite
He would consume us all without finger pointing

Even if He was taken without consent & forced into vegetarianism
Broccoli Rabe, indeed, He would hear the veins crying for mercy
No greater love than the love of Jesus for the Devil’s slaves
Would he deny a loaf of Himself 2the Sparrows in the field of Man?

He is the alpha and the holely Omega in every Crazy Horse
Ever Holy Whole & ‘twas-nuthing@all
He will consume vegetarians and predators alike
He will cum for you2 if you ask politely

Like a lion coming 4a Tiger, Tiger burning bytes
Leaving in a whimper of a child’s tale
See his rump abandoning you
Bye, your refusal of His Last Supper

No one can be a slave to 2 masters, He’ll roar
1 must kill & then consume 1 or the Other die
Save your own skin is what the boy will say
When the party leaves U alone with your Legion

Witch, divine which is the veggie &which the witch?
Sine waves. Sign waves. Follow that crimson mouth.
The other? Leave that ass Jesus didn’t eat behind?
Choose 2ba boddhisattva or ride on his golden coat-tales

Let’s impale broccolini instead since Christ cannot die?
The sons & daughters of Caine who will you nail next?
Ever off course since genesis began in darkness
So shall it end in our just desserts

My carnivorous family of fiends & friends
With the power of the sun their palms
On Meaty-um served like a dish of Stone’s head
By Brown GrubHub employees
U giving the gift of a dis-ease, a cough

Singing your Psalm till your dying daze
Till the day Eye die going to the light
And this trap finally shuts
Delish, J!
Watt’s for dinner?

What’s on your plate 2-night?