Tales of a sodomite: Should divorced couples b-allowed 2 go 2 heaven? Gays 2? Any-1?

Stone
6 min readNov 4, 2020

S

https://www.thedailybeast.com/pope-francis-to-gay-catholic-god-made-you-this-way

LSD: W. the F.? I’m going 2 Hell?

The Pope: JC says 2 ewes & U.S., who-ever divorces his X in civil court X-cep if you are gay, & marries a-nother, commits adultery.

LSD: Well, well, if I commit the crime dew my eyes have 2 do the grime?

Francis: Oui or C. Every-1 hoo X his X, x-cept on the grounds of being a fag or blowing on 1 or on the ground of sex-ewe-all imp-more-rally-didty, makes his partner in crime committed to adultery, & who-ever marries a golden ms or a divorced whoah-man commie-i.t. adult-errr-wheee!

LSD: Huh? I don’t get i.t. & Y ewe haven’t dun mo’ to X-communicate divorced couples from heaven or hell.

The pontif: 2 R better than 1 bc there is always more with 2 than won. Dew ewes knot know that wrong-do-errrs won’t in-hair-i.t. the king-dumb of G.O.D.? Dew not be d-ceived.

LSD: A-Zzzzz…

Protest-ers: BLaM!!! Yee-haw!!! Neither gays nor green-back worship-purses nor adulterers or Tinder subscribers nor Y chromo-somes hoo fuck Y strands nor Brutuses nor the penitants in Mammon’s pen-i-tent-aviary nor reformed A.A.A. nor Chinese whisper-ers 2 equine ewes nor wines nor swind-lurkers will …

LSD: Will, watt?

Pope: In-Her-I.T. the King-Dumb of O.G.O.Death …

LSD: O

Pope: Know. All-f* Oh-MAGA!

LSD: God gave Roman legion over 2 shame-fool-ish lusts. Oddly my strumpets & ho’s X-Chang-d un-natural perver-shuns 4 Nature-1s wit’ who-ever & were in-flames with vices & vir-tual virtues 4 1 an-nother. Y commit-ted shame-fool-full Acts wit’ other Y strands, & re-ceived in sodomites the do pen-all-tea 4 my errors in judge-meant.

Walt Whit-Men: Oui have 2 re-member that Saul & the world Paul lived in didn’t under-stand gender equal-ick-tea the same whey that oui dew 2-day, & all-sewn that Paul was Saul b4 he was St. Paul iz use-ing the user-er that X-amples 2 lead U.P. & up 2 your argue-meant a-gain-sssSSStttt worshiping wrong things & thoughts & feathers.

LSD: ??? Here. Civil law is 4 peep-ple hoo r sex-ewe-ally im-moral, ore who prac-en-tice homo-sex-you-al-i.t.-y, ore r slave traders, traitors, rabbis, liars, promise breakers, rabid priests, Sha-man or hoo do or dew any-thang el-sa that contra-dick-ssss the whole-some teach-ings of J.C..”

Pope: What’s Walt Whitman doing on this side of the English Chang-le? Divorced souls cannot enter heaven along with gays and sodomite. I.t. says so in the Bible. Watt dew ewe say on L.S.D.?

Walt: Disney, on.

LSD: Do you get off on wasting my c-men & time? Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God

Pope: But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Walt: I’m signing out. Check me out on or off.

LSD: Bang! I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. A is 4 the Scarlet Letter period.

Pope: who? Who-ever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.

LSD: Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Pope: Gays should still go to hell with your X?

LSD: & B-Yond. Yawn. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Pope: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Walt: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

LSD: After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Pope: Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Bishop of A: Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Even a hated X gone 2 H.

LSD: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Pope: Write O.N.. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

LSD: She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Yeah. Rright, write….

Pope: Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. There is no heaven for animals if there is no heaven for bitches.

LSD: 4 husbands, this means luv ur wives, just ice wit’ Christ loved the church. He gave up his life 4 her. I didn’t. Neither did you, Francis. Or are you still in the closet about being gay & foolish with crooked joy 4 civil union 4 all?

Pope: Umm. I need a smoke. Kneel!

LSD: I’ll join ewe.

Pope: I’m back! To recap, should we ex-communicate faithfuls who commit adultery? What about a double banger?

LSD: No! A divorcee who trolls Tinder?

Pope: Yup. 2 strikes. 3 and ewe go 2 the smoke-house. Can ewe say “shanked”? If God loves my X then Y can’t He luv Gay men & Orgiastic girlz?

LSD: Know Comment.

Pope: God is a Hippo.

LSD: Crickey. Jim-in-ee hypocrit?

Pope: I.t.’s Hippo-crite.

Walt: Hypocrite.

LSD: Go-Mapp-Dah@! F*king W.W.3!

Pope: Thanks. Graci. Muchas gracias.

LSD: Then I’m going to Hell?

Pope: Like I said, the dead tell no tails. If he let J.FK in wouldn’t he let in Byron?

LSD: You have a point. If Emily Dickinson is in Heaven then Walt must be waltzing with the Devil & 2-timing Lilith with his engorged Boa.

Pope: Shocked.

L.S.D.: Lucy? Am I Schizo? LOui!

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