Dismissing the silly things I do

2 min readJan 22, 2020

A mate called while writing on Medium

Was like a part-time job that pays no rent

He said, “That silly thing U’ve been wasting hours?”

Are U manic? Aren’t the meds weighing u down?

Aren’t u afraid of lawyers as I am?

Even when I don’t want 2 do I do

Right back before the screen again & again

Even when I do not feel, I just do

Even when I do feel, I still do

Is it love or just who I was bred 2B

2 treat 미 like a child when I’m past midcentury

UR talking 2a father who’s seen daily breakdowns

I bear no grudge, chum, U just brought 미 down

When I wanted 2 shoot the breeze or b-ignored

It can’t be all bad being me though eyes D-spise

If they treat me like a child over-bundled with love

Might as well behave as 1-2 just 2 breathe

Silly poems like this eventually end

He exposed my shame of writing, un-D-nile-able

Because I endured hours of father’s lecture

By my 아버지 on the shame being an artist will bring

A vet, a rocket engineer, or even a priest were not worthy

Nothing was good enough but his perfection enforced

He brought it all back while barfing on Medium

My home and stomach still empty, cleansed of acid

He said life is a bitch and then U die throo our friendship

Finally, I got the guts 2 sew some doubt by golden threads

U can make money pretending 2 be a Medium there

Stay at home and barf all day while being a father 24–7

U can fake it till it binds and cakes in2 fame or ignominy

I forgave him, can I move on 2 other dismissed thoughts?