Nice, but a little 2 long 4 me; apologies. But, I get your drift. I was a budding painter until my Ego was squashed by my parent's greater will & desire. “Needs of the many, baby”, says Spock & me.
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Enuf said, what U wrote describes the butterfly effect & exorcism in 1 inspiring breath. In order 2 root out the procrastinator & the impostor in 1 shot, U have 2 name Ur demon(s) or voice(s). Mine is Calcifer. (Nice 2 meat-Jah) He also goes by Lucifer, Loki, Succubus & Mannon on bad dayz. Ass Jesus said in the desert, naming sum-thing takes away the bullies’ power.
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The other sure-fire method 2 quiet the colicky beast are distractions, gobs of it till even reason gets sick of U. A good parent carries 1 binky. A great artist carries a baker's dozen of pacifiers 4 that demonic cherub in the cradle & in all of us till death dew U.S. part. Snf.
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I need at least 3 oil painting while waiting 4 1 2 dry. It's very therapeutic 4 kids with ADHD. Well, my clock-speed blew threw 3 oil paintings, 2 digital studies of 3 paintings, 3 Medium responses until I discovered GARDENING!!
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War & Peace in a tight-fitting glove like OJ finding rest & rage. Only a Mid-Century single-parent is ready 4 gardening as a refuge 4 the refuse. It's good to sink in2 yourself until UR compost. It's good 2 hate manure like my X in a century. It's good to rip, not snip, the vines that choke my scarred butt no longer scared of my sacred plum tree.
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Thank God I failed as a mistreated pre-med, son, brother, friend & lover. I'm glad I let down all their expectations & abdicated my inherited position. I'm thrilled they saw my God-given balls while Eye mooned them with my hand-sum cheeks. I won't be a procrastinator no longer or an impostor to my son & sun. Monkey C, monkey dew, my monkey won’t imitate a procrastinator or a failed impostor.
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I refuse 2 treat him like refuse as it has been passed down through abusive K-parents to K-parents to me. The Buck halts, hear before my son. My sun may have my X's genes, but he'll wear the robes chosen by me that will bless him with maturity & compassion for all things living & dead.
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2 condense a tear-jerker of an episode of Little America which resonates 2nite, release the Jaguar that haunts U. Seems U have already. Some have pandas & koalas as their avatars. Yours seem like a Puma. Some have the beast, some don't. Don’t get an ass. Butt, i.t.’s knot up 2 U.S..
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Also fr the show, Golden-Ticket Opportunities (GTO) R like Super-Lotto-Squash Balls; they always cum back even if U give up or give them hell or ignore them. It's up to us to spin the boomerang in just a slight way 2 set our impostor off-course the next time we trip. Less than a 1% angle difference could set it off light-years from a universal perspective like JKR.
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Hence hug your inner child instead of beating it at calling it names like your parents, your grand-parents, your great-grand parents ... U get the drift. Don’t get lost in their propaganda. Think outside of North-Korean & U.S.. Set your procrastination off 2 gardening, writing the next Moby Dick prequel, b a dick like Ahab & go down with the Dick, go on an adventure like Ish. Just don't BA bland dish like your careless, thoughtless parents who hopefully loved U.
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Spice i.t. up like a Monarch Butterfly with glitter & rainbows fit for a closeted Drama Queen exposed & terribly distracted like a Mad Hatter. Make Ur wing a poison for the next predator ore byrd. Migrate from your past Ego & Self. The Soul remains ever True & Faithful 2 U & U alone. Only U have 2 provide the spirit & gas. Holy Moley, you are an artist. Welcome out of the closet 2..

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